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70 ° Texans turn on heat & unpack thermal underwear. Iowans go swimming in the
river.
60° North Carolinians try to turn on the heat. Iowans plant gardens.
50° Californians shiver uncontrollably. Iowans sunbathe.
40° Italian & English cars won't start. Iowans drive with the windows down.
32° Distilled water freezes. Mississippi water gets thicker.
20° Floridian's don coats, thermal underwear, gloves & wooly hats. Iowans throw
on a flannel shirt.
15° Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat. Iowans have the last
cookout before it gets cold.
10° People in Miami all die. Iowans lick the flagpole.
-20° Californians fly away to Mexico. Iowans get out their winter coats.
-40° Hollywood disintegrates. Iowa Girl Scouts are selling cookies door to door.
-60° Polar bears start to evacuate the Artic. Iowa Boy Scouts postpone "Winter
Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.
-80° Mt. St. Helens freezes. Iowans step out onto the front porch and breathe in
fast...loving the feeling of snot freezing!!
-100° Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Iowans get frustrated because they
can't thaw the keg.
-297° Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products. Iowa cows complain
about farmers with cold hands.
-460° (Absolute zero on Kelvin scale) All atomic motion stops. Iowans say "Cold
enough for ya?"
-500° Hell freezes over. The Hawkeyes go to the Orange Bowl.
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